Thursday, September 29, 2011

A Few Funnies

    Last weekend while in Atlanta a man asked me if I was a television star. I was afraid he thought I was Phyllis Diller. He was also with his wife so I knew it could not be the worst pick-up line ever. And besides, who picks up 60-year-old women anyway.

    I do not wear my glasses in the shower. It is why in a hotel bathroom, I thought I grabbed the shampoo but it was the body lotion. Both were the same color. I figured it out when it sat like a blob on my head. No worries. I reached out and grabbed the right bottle.

     The Husband does not wear his glasses in the shower either. He got the shampoo right, but mixed up the conditioner with the body lotion. He wondered later why his hair was so greasy. But it did hide the gray. Maybe he's onto something here.

     I walked into a store the other day with Little One. A nice young woman looked at me and said, "I love the dress that your little ???? (I could see her mentally working out the math) has on. "Granddaughter," I quickly supplied. She smiled and said, "Thanks, you really never know these days."
    Then I laughed to myself. She was thinking about in-vitro babies, I was thinking about those children who were once known as "change of life" babies. Not that I had one. A change of life baby, that is. 'Cause I am a certified pro with the other.

     The dog is the only person I now allow in the bathroom when I am taking a bath. He watches me with great curiosity. I understand.

     My young male physical therapist told me that I was really funny for an older woman. Do you think I should be insulted? I just laughed. And then I told him I might punch him when he wasn't looking. I meant it.

     My dermatologist asked me if I wanted some "filler" for my smile lines. I told her nicely, "No thank you." She offered me a good price. I still said, "No thank you." When she asked once more later on I started in on my lecture about aging gracefully. She tried to raise her eyebrow at me, but she had used too much Botox. I think I made a point, when I pulled up my eyebrow for her to demonstrate what it is supposed to look like. She didn't ask any more.

    I am getting gray hairs around my temples. This makes me a genetic anomaly in my family. My mother is eight-two and isn't yet gray. I am not getting any filler or Botox, but I don't have any qualms whatsoever about coloring my hair. Did you know that you could buy hair crayons? In the meantime, I may give the old Crayolas a try.

Have fun, do good things and don't forget to smile, really smile along the way. Oh, and laugh out loud more than every once in a while. It helps.




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