Ode to a Vacuum Cleaner

     No, I am not being paid to say this. Even though I wish I were. However, I am not savvy enough to figure out how to get people to pay me to say the truth about the products or the things I really use. I always wonder about those celebrity endorsements, don't you? But I guess if someone was paying me the big bucks to tote around a Louis Vuitton bag, I guess I could force myself to do it. Otherwise, Louis V. and I will not be making one another's acquaintance any time soon.
     Back to the subject at hand. Vacuum cleaners. This post was inspired by a comment I made on a another blog. Does that mean that I am out of blog material? Probably. Except for the fact that I have serious opinions about vacuum cleaners. If you have a home or an apartment, you know what I am talking about. Forget the more pedestrian broom and mop, we are talking about one of those appliances you usually have a love-hate relationship with...the lowly vacuum cleaner.
    Since I am probably the oldest blogger on the planet, I have had the pleasure of living through several inventions of the vacuum cleaner. You name it, I have probably used it. I grew up with an Electrolux, but gimme a break, seriously, who can afford it?! Besides, they are too labor intensive. You are exhausted by the time you get it all out of the closet and select the correct attachment. And it has so many attachments that it almost warrants its own closet, which it was fortunate to have at my mother's house. (That would be an impossibility at my house, by the way.) When I was kid, I was totally fascinated by the automatic cord return, but with the hefty Electrolux pricetag, it's a fascination I can live without. And the Kirby, forget that one. It's like the Humvee of vacuum cleaners. TOO HEAVY. I am assuming you will eventually want your children to vacuum and the Kirby is like lifting weights. They are going to whine and cry and you will end up doing it 'cause the Kirby is a monster to handle.
  I have also used something called the self-propelled Hoover (vastly overrated) because you still have to push it and truth be told, I was attracted to a vaccuum that said self-propelled because I basically wanted it to do the work for me. What a pipedream!
   Then lo and behold, the bagless vacuums became the rage. So I bought a bagless Hoover Wind Tunnel at a garage sale, and it still works most of the time.  However, it has been demoted from duty and has been relegated to life in the playroom which is where old vacuums go to die in my house. My biggest issue with the bagless Hoover is that I don't want to actually look at how much dog hair I live with---and the see-through viewing window makes this something you simply cannot avoid. Am I the only one who finds that there is absolutely nothing attractive about all those dust bunnies and their dog hair friends spinning around in the front of your vacuum cleaner for all to see. It's totally gross. This is precisely why trash receptacles are opaque. Who really wants to see the detritus of life? And then, to boot, you have to clean it out yourself. Yuk. Double yuk. I cannot believe how successfully the vacuum cleaner industry has transferred the role of trash disposal to us. And we didn't even whine about it. They convinced us that the bags are too dirty, and so emptying your own cannister is somehow not? What suckers we are. Besides if you are any sort of germaphobe, in addition to a hazmat suit, you would want to wear gloves and a mask, use a heavy disinfectant, and take a shower every time you undertake this task.
   Now we move on to a discussion of the New Kid on the Block: The Dyson. I call it the King of Hype. My daughter-in-law has a Dyson, but I just can't get my head around spending that much for something that keeps changing it's design concept every year. I think going with tried and true has some validity when it comes to buying an appliance that could (note, I say could) be used at my house every single day. So...drum roll. If you are looking for something that will never disappoint you or leave you out in the cold (or neck deep in the dog hair), you need to look no further than an ORECK. I have owned two Orecks and am still having an intense love affair with this little lightweight and carry it anywhere with only one hand gem of a vacuum cleaner. And if you think I actually might know what I am talking about, then march your little fanny right out and buy yourself an Oreck. The folks at Oreck also run really good sales a couple of times a year, so if you are not in desperate straits, call and find out when these are.
     Here's my bona fide endorsement: I owned a refurbished Oreck for 12 years that needed servicing a grand total of 2 times, and that was because it ingested something that should have never been on the floor to begin with. When my adult children heard that I was thinking about getting a new Oreck, they actually argued over who might be able to walk away with the old one (which probably could have qualified as an antique at that point.) But it still worked. I got some money for Christmas so I upgraded to the model that has the setting for wood floors, and I use it everywhere, even in my kitchen. I am still in love with it. It is light, compact, and totally dependable. I am telling you, these things never die. And the best part is that if you have to take your Oreck in to be serviced, the Oreck dealership will give you loaner model. That's because they understand that people who drive Orecks (they are like little cars) are totally addicted to them. So Oreck it is. Don't adulterate yourself and look at anything else. There is a reason that hotel housekeepers love these suckers. One they are indestructible, and two, they are worth every penny you pay for them. That's my two cents, for what it's worth! And like I said, I wasn't paid a dime! Too bad.