Forty Years Together

    We met on a beach in Northwest Florida. I had not planned on coming to the picnic to hang with a group of boys from MBA and Vanderbilt, but my mother insisted since the host family were long-standing friends of ours and I had grown up with their sons whom I counted among my close friends. So I went reluctantly and with some fairly obvious defiance. Even though I would be an incoming freshman at Vanderbilt, I was all too determined not to fit within the boundaries of what was considered the norm for the TVC (Typical Vanderbilt Coed). Hence I wore no make-up, my hair was long and flowing free and I was clad the way all Florida girls were in my day, especially girls who were lifeguards, hippies, and wanna-be-surfers. I felt totally cool and totally justified. I was only going because my mother insisted. And when she INSISTED in her strongest Momma voice, I usually complied, albeit grudgingly. I wasn't interested in the boys from Vanderbilt or the boys from MBA. Truth be told, I was already convinced I had the world by the tail. Ahhh, the naivete and brazen foolishness of youth.

     I had no idea that this was a day that would totally change my life.

     A mere three weeks later the phone in my dormitory rang. It was one of the boys from the picnic asking me out for my first real college date. That phone call took place forty-two years ago and the guy on the other end was the man I would marry. It was love at first sight. As strange as it may sound, I even told my roommate and the other girls that I had found the man that I would marry. That pronouncement (after my first college date and first date with him) was greeted with gales of laughter.

     We celebrate forty years of marriage tomorrow. It's been the journey of a lifetime and one I would not and could not have made it through with anyone else. It has not always been a bed of roses, but there was and is a core of faith-based commitment that binds us to one another in ways that defy description. He is the love of my life and the father of our four children. Believe it or not, he is getting better with age! I both like and love him more now than I ever have before, and am so very thankful that we persevered through the years with three children under the age of four along with the surprise "gift" of a fourth. He teases me mercilessly, loves to plan surprises and is the more romantic of the two of us. He is also fun, adventurous and concert-crazy. There have been good times and bad times, times when I was so mad I could have called it quits (but never allowed myself to really entertain that thought, even though I was furious or wounded) lots of laughter and lots of tears (on my part, anyway). There have been times when I felt lonely and alone and times when I felt as if my heart would burst with joy and that there was no one else on earth who understood me as he did (and does). There have been arguments galore and lots of "kiss and make-up." There have been sicknesses, illnesses, and scary times when I feared I would lose him. He has nursed me through three joint replacements and migraines too many to count. He has been both the rock on which I lean and the splinter that rubs in my foot. He's been my sorrow and my joy as have I to him. We have made lots of mistakes. Mistakes with each other and mistakes with our kids. What has bound us together has not only been the love, for if we are honest, that has failed us at times....but it has been the faith. Both of us believe that our marriage is sacred to God, even if we have not always lived each day as if it were sacred to us. Forty years ago, we made vows to one another, and most importantly, we made a vow to God. When we have been fickle, frail, and fragile, God has always, always, always been faithful. He is literally our saving grace. I count God as the force that has bound and kept us together through the ups and the downs that comprise a marriage.

    In addition to our vows, here are the words Ed and I chose to say to one another forty years ago. By God's grace, I would say them again and I am confident so would he.

    On August 4, 1974, my husband spoke these words from Hosea, "I will betroth you to me forever; yes, I will betroth you to me in justice, in lovingkindness, in kindness and compassion. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord." And these words from the Song of Songs, "I will set you as a seal over my heart and upon my arm, for love is as strong as death."

   And I chose Ruth's timeless words to Naomi, "Entreat me not to leave thee or to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God, my God. Where thou diest, I will die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."

   I told him then and I will tell him today: "You are the only one for me..." Thankful for forty years with a man of honor, strength and faithfulness. I love you!

 

A Sweet Love Part II

 Before we head to the reception, I had to share a few more pictures from the church. Here's the new Mr. and Mrs.

The Groom's immediate family

 The Bride's immediate family

 Don't you agree that one of the best things about a wedding is the celebration afterward? 

After the eleven o'clock ceremony the wedding party, a few close friends and out-of-town guests adjourned to Belle Meade Club for a marvelous luncheon. Guests sipped on the Club's fruit tea or their choice of Bloody Mary's and mimosas, followed by a summer luncheon plate of chilled shrimp and chicken salads, fresh fruit, rolls, and pecan sticky buns. However, the piece de resistance was the sour cream pound cake layered with caramel frosting by the inimitable LeLand Riggin of Dessert Designs

 Guest Book

Here are a few pictures from the dinner the night before the wedding,

 hosted by the Groom's sister and her husband

A Sweet Love Between These Two

    Neither were actively looking for another life partner. After debating and discussing his phone call with family and dear friends, she agreed to go out with him as a "friend." He wanted the same. The parameters of the relationship were clearly delineated for these two mature adults. Companionship, movies, nice dinners, concerts, walks, long conversations. Very safe and with no strings attached. Sounds good, right?
     Then something began to happen. She made him laugh. He made her laugh. She began to feel at ease with him and to look forward to their times together. He was like an open book, sharing the sorrows and joys that had made him the man he is today. She began to experience a freedom and a joy she had not known in a long time. She found herself smiling every time she thought of him. The worry lines around her face began to disappear. She seemed almost carefree. She talked to her pastor. She talked to her children. She talked to her friends. She didn't want any secrets, but it was obvious what was happening.
     He was smitten. And so was she. But she wanted to take it slowly. No rush to the altar here. Just slow and steady. He listened and agreed. In the meantime he got to know her children and to adore her grandchildren. He couldn't wait for her to meet his own children. His family is small. Ours is large and raucous by comparison. I saw his head swivel in astonishment a few times at our large, noisy, robust family gatherings, but he hung in there and took the teasing and questions in stride.
     They came for a quiet dinner at our home. One hour stretched into two, then three. We laughed about our long-standing connection with this man (we have known him for 41 years) and how the years have changed us all. It was relaxing and enjoyable. He was kind and thoughtful to her throughout the evening, and I knew it wasn't an act. The months passed.
     Then one evening he called to ask if he could come by. He sat in our living room and talked for a long time with The Husband and me. We all shed tears and then we prayed together. He had done the same with her children. Nothing required him to come to them and to us to ask for her hand in marriage, but his honor and integrity impelled him. It says a lot.
     On Saturday, these two tied the knot before the Lord and before the most important people in their lives. They were surrounded at the altar by their children and her grandchildren. His minister and her minister each spoke to the couple. One of the pastors talked about forgiveness being the oil of relationships and how wonderful it is to be surprised and delighted by the way God continues to work in our lives.
      I felt the powerful presence of the Lord that day. It was a day bathed in grace and mercy, a day bathed in hope and secured with promises. It was a picture of the way God loves to delight His children.
      No one is naive enough to believe that this marriage will be easy, because if you have been married or are married, you know that every marriage is hard work. Period. It requires commitment and sacrifice every single day. No one is exempt. No one gets off the hook. To love another person well is contrary to our "human" nature. It is only as we walk by faith and daily surrender our own agenda can we begin to live and love sacrificially. We must have that oil the pastor, Todd Jones, was talking about. The oil of forgiveness. It's a good thing that God gives it freely to those who love Him.
       Here's to new beginnings. Here's to my precious sister-in-law and her new husband. May their joy be made full in Christ.

The beautiful Stanford Chapel at First Presbyterian Church

 Flowers by Jim Knestrick of Knestrick by Design

The Bride arrives accompanied by her son and his new bride!

 My lovely sister-in-law

 pictured here with her beautiful granddaughters

The Bride wore a collection of family heirlooms: her maternal grandmother's brooch, her paternal grandmother's watch, her daughter's pearl bracelet, 

and she carried a spray of white roses with an antique handkerchief on top of a Bible given

to her parents on their wedding day by the great-grandmother for whom she was named.

Her earrings and the family crest ring were gifts from the Groom.

 Another picture of the granddaughters...I couldn't resist!

The Bride, her daughter-in-law and daughter

 The Groom

 There was no rehearsal the day before. The Bride and Groom wanted to keep it low key and simple.

Both families gathered at the altar, and the 

Bride came down the aisle accompanied by her grandchildren, daughter, and daughter-in-law.

Here she spies her Groom waiting for her.

 Just before they are pronounced husband and wife!

 The new Mr. and Mrs.!!

 Are they happy or what?!

 More joy!

 Part II to follow with pictures of family and friends!

Wedding Beauty and a Prayer

    Take a look at the pictures of Julie and Richard's St. John's island wedding captured by the professional photographer. They are AMAZING. Wow. And I thought The Husband and I had a decent camera. My humble Canon cannot hold a candle to whatever this guy was using. He's the real deal.
     This is my favorite. Can you guess why?

 My prayer for each of you is that the Lord will be your strength and your guide.

And that you will learn to have confidence in and to rely upon the love that the Lord has for you...

That you will find healing, comfort, and peace in the company of each other.

That you will laugh often

And forgive easily

That you will give one another the freedom to grow and change as individuals

That you will each be the best friend the other has ever had or will have

That you will make time often just to be together...without words

That you will find a joy you have never known before and that you will share that joy with others

 And when the hard times come...

that you will hold fast to the vow you made before God to love one another for as long as you both shall live.

Rest assured, it won't be easy. 

The good things in life never are.

But it will be worth the journey.

So worth the journey.