To Have and To Hold

     All the right touches were there...a radiantly beautiful bride...a groom who wept openly as she gently made her way down the aisle to him on the arm of her father. An historic chapel whose plain wooden pews, beautiful heart of pine floors, and tall windows provided a lovely setting that required hardly any embellishment to make it a place of great beauty. Praise music that crept into every pore of the soul and lifted the heart to the heavens...a pastor who tenderly reminded the couple and the rest of the congregation of the joys and struggles that comprise a marriage...a gospel choir leading the congregation in the singing of the hymn Amazing Grace. It sounds like the stuff of which dreams are made, however, it was a very real wedding with a very real bride and groom.
   The Husband and I traveled to Memphis this weekend as guests at the wedding of a young woman who is very dear to me. She and I worked together at Christ Presbyterian Academy the year before my retirement, and I have had the joy to watching her relationship with a special young man deepen and develop into the love of a lifetime. We were honored to share this special day with the two of them. The setting for the couple's wedding was the beautiful historic Evans Chapel at Germantown Presbyterian Church, a house of worship that was constructed in 1851.

Doors at the back of the sanctuary

   

The Bride and Groom with her parents and sisters

       After I wiped my wedding tears, we hopped in the car and made our way to the Crescent Club for the reception. After a cocktail hour in the club upstairs followed by a seated dinner in the soaring atrium, we danced the night away! There were also lots of special touches throughout the reception. In addition to the lovely wedding cake, there was a buffet table laden with gourmet chocolate. The groom and his family are the owners of the North Carolina based Davidson Chocolate Company http://www.davidsonchocolate.com/. This is no ordinary chocolate; these hand-crafted delights have the depth of flavor and the quality of ingredients that you find only from the finest European chocolatiers. But best of all was the happiness that emanated from the bride and groom. Their joy could scarcely be contained. All in all, it was a special evening to celebrate and to be remembered for a very long time to come!

Granddaddy kissing the beautiful Bride

For Overwhelmed Moms Everywhere

     Back by popular demand, here are my " Tips on Surviving Summer":  I am laughing when I write this, but I remember that my husband and I actually invited friends over for a casual summer supper and served...hot dogs! Yep, hot dogs. Except back then we called them "tube steaks" as that was about the only kind of steak we could ever afford to serve, much less eat. I also fixed that culinary delight known as baked beans as a side, accompanied by that other Southern stand-by, Lay's Potato Chips. I do recall that I put out chili, slaw, cheese, onions, pickle relish, and the obligatory condiments as "toppings" for the humble hot dogs. Dessert was really fancy...ice cream sandwiches and freezer pops. I think they still make freezer pops. 

  Freezer are a food group all by themselves. Colored water, dyed with something carcinogenic like Red Dye #2, sugar, and some unnamed preservative that is probably no longer approved by the FDA. I used to buy them by the box, and in the summer I kept a pair of elementary school scissors in the drawer next to the freezer so the kids could cut them open themselves.  
   The reason I tell you this is so that you will know that it is okay to entertain on a grand scale with four small children. I mean, hot dogs...don't you know that I slaved away in the kitchen for hours over that one...NOT! So, open your hearts and your homes and make it easy and fun for your friends to come over. It's actually funny to me that hot dogs are making a comeback. Of course now we only buy Nathan's All Beef...but really, you cannot get around the fact that it is still a hot dog no matter what kind of spin you put on it.
  Here's another round of suggestions for you Moms.
1) Do what you can to beat the heat by buying not one, but two baby pools.

 Seriously, some of the best afternoons were spent with the babies in one pool and the moms lounging in the other. And yes, we wore our "rattiest" suits. The ones you don't want to be seen in in public. And it helps if you have a friend who has a great recipe for strawberry daiquiries. We put the cooler in the pool with the adults and kept the daiquiries on ice. We only allowed ourselves one and a half at the most because someone had to keep a watchful eye on the kids, just in case they fell over face first in the six inches of water in their pool. Oh, and it helps if you have water balloons, water guns, or some other crazy game for the older ones. Make sure you applaud loudly, whatever they do. Mine were largely content as long as they had their friends over and were the beneficiary of the mostly positive affirmation from the mothers.
2) Don't forget the sprinkler. You can fill both pools and then set up some sort of homemade slip and slide (use an old tarp) or sprinkler game for the older kids. We also used to run our bikes and big wheels through the sprinkler for a "car wash." I kept buckets loaded with dish soap and sponges for this bi-weekly event.
2) Religiously attend the weekly story hour at your local library. My kids loved, loved, loved the puppet shows. The older ones tried to act like they were too old or too cool, but they never argued when I said that we were going. They also were allowed to get their own library cards (talk about feeling important) and could check out as many books as they could carry. And they had to rob their own piggy banks to pay their own fines if the books were late so I was the one who usually proved to be the worst offender in this regard.
3) We also made summer pilgrimages to visit Daddy in his office every three weeks or so and went out to lunch with him. The Husband worked downtown and we usually ate at the neighboring Burger King but everything was more exotic and fun because it was in the "city."
4) Vacation Bible School. I had one friend whose children attended three different Vacation Bible Schools each summer: Methodist, Baptist and Presbyterian. That way she knew that the material and crafts would all be different, and her children would not be bored. I always volunteered to work in our home church VBS, but I soon learned that coordinating the refreshments for the various classes was a whole lot easier for me than teaching. And since I was employed full-time in a school, I didn't feel too bad about sidestepping the duties in the classroom. I can unashamedly tell you that VBS was a lifesaver for me for many years! And do NOT feel pressured to teach or serve if this is not for you. God will let you give back in other ways!
5) Back yard camp-out and nightime flashlight walks. We first introduced camping to our children by pitching the tent in the backyard. We also made it a ritual to take nightime walks around the neighborhood with flashlights whenever we had friends spend the night (even if we slept inside). There is something magical that happens when you turn on a flashlight at night, for the ordinary can become the spectacular. I bought my flashlights and batteries at the Dollar Store so that everyone could have their own to tote around.

6) Hire a "Mother's Helper." This is a younger girl who will come over and play with your children while you are at home; she will generally occupy your children while you are scurrying around trying to get things done. The Mother's Helper is a girl who is too young to babysit on her own for four children, but is an individual who will do well with some adult supervision. The beauty of this arrangement is that these girls do not charge as much as an older babysitter does. The blessing for us was that our "Mother's Helper" started with us when she was in the seventh grade; she stayed with us as a babysitter and then became a housesitter when she was in college. She even ended up accompanying us on family vacations to Florida which proved to be the gift of gifts for me. In Florida we gave her two afternoons and two evenings off,  but the rest of the time she was there to entertain the children (who loved her) and to make life easier for everyone. Looking back, I would say that hiring a Mother's Helper was one of the best things I ever did, hands down!
7) Make time for yourself. Even if you can only carve 2-3 hours out per week, it is a necessity. I think I would have lost my mind otherwise. I usually did not have a "Mother's Day Out" program in the summer, so time away became a rare, but necessary commodity. Fortunately, my husband understood my need for the company of other adults, and he was usually willing to accommodate me in this regard, by allowing me to hire a babysitter; but if this does not work for you, then trade off with a friend. You take hers and then she will take yours! Then it's a win-win!
8) Find a prayer partner. I had a friend that I could call at anytime and tell her to pray. She did not need the details; she was willing to hit her knees on my behalf, and I would do the same for her. This proved to be an important investment in my spiritual growth. I cannot tell you the times that I just needed to know that she was praying for me. It brought me comfort and encouragement on the most difficult of days, and trust me, there were many.
9) Cut yourself some slack EVERY SINGLE DAY. Do not make the mistake of setting impossible goals. A clean house, happy children and a productive mother are not synonymous. Remember in post number one that Supermom has been put to death. Look at yourself in the mirror every day and say, "I think I can, I know I can...I can get through THIS day!" I cannot tell you how many times I said to myself, "His Grace is sufficient for ME!"
9) Know that God is faithful. I look back and can see His hand everywhere, but at the time I wondered if I would ever have a life that did not comprise of saying "No No, NO," endlessly or attempting to discipline or teach children when they absolutely did not want to be taught. I seriously contemplated running away numerous times, but something always held me back. Perhaps it was a future that seemed so far off, but one that has finally arrived. And it will come for you, I promise! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I convinced that there will be a special banquet room for mothers in heaven! I will see you there!

What's Not to Love About Franklin?

    No, my planters don't look like this. I wish they did. I found the color combination delightful. I am a sucker for pinks and purples coupled with a touch of red. Alas, my own petunias get leggy, my geraniums get bored with blooming no matter how much Peter's Special I have given them, and I don't know what the purple stuff is so I obviously don't have much luck with it either. Seriously, these beautiful planters are making their home outside of one of my favorite little haunts in Franklin, TN: The Shop Around the Corner. It's a place where a wide variety of different vendors ply their wares. If you have not been there, you need to. I found The Daughter some darling and very reasonably priced dresses there as a birthday gift.

     And while you are in the downtown Franklin area, check out another of my favorite shops on Main Street, LuLu. It's a dangerous place for me. I have to limit my visits because I cannot walk out without one of their darling bags in hand. It also helps that the store shares a name with my beloved grandmother whom we also called Lou Lou. She would have loved the place. I just know it. In fact, I always buy something in her honor when I'm there.
   
Can you recognize this place? A visit to Franklin would not be complete without a stop at Merridee's Breadbasket. What's not to love? I simply can't resist picking up an almond roll to take home for the family to have at breakfast, but I also recommend just about anything in their bakery case. And kudos to whomever designed their retro look web page. Check it out here: http://www.merridees.com/.  While I was poking around, I learned that their fat-free cinnamon roll (which tastes like the real thing) is only 90 calories. I think I hear it calling my name.

For Overwhelmed Mothers Everywhere!

  I recently had an email from a younger woman who has four young children. She was asking me for advice on how to survive the summer. In a flash I was back to those days...by those days, I mean those days I barely survived. I am reaping the rewards now of having four adult children who are relatively close in age, and although I was absolutely certain at the time that they were going to kill each other before they reached maturity...shock of shock...they actually all get along now.
   I wish I could offer all sorts of sage advice, but I would run the risk of sounding like those years were easy, but trust me, they were not. At one time, I had three children under the age of four. I do remember that I cried a lot, and I prayed a lot, and I regularly engaged in my favorite form of escape: reading, even if it meant losing a night or two of sleep!
   For what it's worth, here are some of the things that worked for me:
   1) Supermom has to die. She, multiple young children, and sanity are simply not compatible. This was a process for me, of course, but one that did eventually occur. However, my advice is to crucify her early. Have a burial and a period of mourning and then get on with your very messy and very busy life. Because if you have multiple children, that's what you have...a very messy and very busy life.
   2) Close the bedroom doors. Do this every day. I mean it. This was something my husband forced me to do. At the time, I resisted with everything I had (sneaking upstairs to moan and clean, moan and clean and moan some more about my slovenly children), but now I am so thankful. One of my adult children has moved home again (he will be attending a local graduate school) and I have not been upstairs since he moved back in. Seriously. I found I was a whole lot happier then and now looking at closed doors rather than unmade beds and chaotic bedrooms.
   3) Make them clean their rooms when one or more of the children has company coming over. This was a requirement for having a friend over. The room must be clean. And no, it did not have to be clean when the friend left, but it was good if it was clean when the friend arrived. I encouraged company. Can you guess why?
   4) Ten-year-olds can safely operate a washing machine. They will quickly learn how not to make everything come out pink. Especially when they are the one wearing it. Every one of my kids learned to do their own wash at some point, but the youngest was flying solo between nine and ten. It was actually a source of pride with him. I can honestly say I don't think I ever washed one of his sports' uniforms (he played four varsity sports in high school so there were a lot of uniforms); he did them all. Now his beat-up jalopy car smelled to high heaven because he never took his dirty uniforms out to wash them until the very last minute before they were needed, but he totally handled this task. He would even have discussions with other mothers about how to get dirt out of baseball socks. It was hilarious. It made me proud.  
5) Only buy white socks. I used to go to the flea market and buy socks in bulk. I had three sons and one daughter so this worked relatively well. When they were younger, I would wash the socks and put them all in the basket LOOSE; that's right, they were never paired up. I kept the basket in the hall closet upstairs. I called it "Sock Heaven," but my children, when they thought I could not hear them, called it "Sock Hell." Long story short: no one in my family ever grew up thinking that white socks had to match. They just went and pulled two white socks out of the basket and wore them. I never spent time trying to match socks that the dryer ate. End of story.
   6) Laundry baskets. Everybody had their own which were clearly labeled. They came downstairs with dirty clothes in them and went upstairs with clean, nicely folded clothes in them. Remember that the doors to their bedrooms were closed, so most of the time I am relatively sure that they took their clean clothes out and put them on the floor...not in the dresser...on the floor. If their basket was empty when I was doing the wash, nothing of theirs got washed. I mean nothing. Everybody learned pretty quickly to gather up their dirty clothes and get them downstairs when Momma was washing. If they did this, they got a free wash and a free fold. Otherwise, they were on their own. And by the time that they were in middle school, they were pretty much on their own anyway. Don't worry, I still had plenty of wash. And I still offered free wash to them when I was being nice.
   7) Bathrooms were an exception to the close the door rule. No towels or dirty clothes were allowed on the floor. With all four kids sharing one bathroom this was simply a survival rule. We rotated cleaning the bathroom, but The Daughter always felt that the boys did a less than a stellar job with this, and I would agree. There was also a lot of drama (accompanied by loud voices and the banging of doors) associated with the bathroom and a lot of arguing about the length of showers or a lack of hot water. I tried to ignore most of it, but you can betcha I got up before everyone else just so that there was enough hot water for Momma.
  8) Kitchen and trash chores were about the only chores we ever rigorously enforced. The youngest would go around and empty all the smaller trash cans in the house the night before the garbage man came (he has rotated back into this job again, fancy that!) Older children had to alternate setting the table, clearing the table, and washing up with The Husband from dinner. Oh, and did I mention that my children would hide food? This is something that they have apparently not outgrown. Not too long ago I found one lonely IBC root beer hidden underneath the lettuce in the veggie bin. One of the boys. Ummm, make that grown men.
   9) We even had a schedule for rotating the seats in the car (everybody wanted to ride shotgun) that was posted on the refrigerator. Otherwise, there was even more drama and sometimes all-out fights, over a front seat, for heaven's sake!
  10) I lived and died by the calendar and by the word of God. Seriously. I had a big dry erase calendar that I bought at Office Depot and each week I filled it with the week's activities. This was my one huge obsession. It was color coded with each child's activities. (I warned you this was my huge obsession.) And boy, oh boy, you better not brush your arm up against my dry erase board and mess up my calendar. I also memorized scripture that I wrote out on index cards and taped up in my car. I tried to make my kids memorize scripture but they were never as excited about it as I was. I had my little stash of index cards, and I cannot tell you how many times I marveled that the perfect scripture was there on my dashboard just when I needed it.
   11) A friend and I started a Bible Study for "Mothers of Four or More." We met weekly in the evenings with a group of women for the better part of ten years. It was a lifesaver. We cried together, laughed together, and commiserated together. The best part was that we took a retreat together every year without children. It was usually to a cabin that belonged to somebody's friend who knew a friend who said we could use it. It didn't matter whether the accommodations were spartan or more comfortable, the big thing is that we were simply AWAY.
  12) That's my final piece of advice. Get AWAY when you can. Getting away with your husband is wonderful, but going with women can be glorious, too. Twice a year was about what we could manage. Yet those experiences were enough to get me through some hard times.

And here's the living proof that I made it through to the other side!

Cooling Off

   It has been horrifically hot here in Nashvegas the past week, and I surely hope it is not a portent of things to come. The minute you walk outside, you are hit by a furnace-like blast of hot air. With this heat wave, we have broken records that have been around since the 1890's. Today as I left suburbia and drove into the city to Little One's house, it almost looked as if the downtown buildings were bathed in fog, but it was something they call an air inversion, a decidedly upscale word for "smog." I confess all of this has me a little worried because it's only the first week of June.
   However, Little One and I found the perfect way to beat the heat. I knew this sale purchase from last year would come in handy, and boy, was I was right. The best part was that the next door neighbor came over for a bit, and we shared a late afternoon glass of wine as we watched Little One splash, kick, and squeal her way through to the end of a very warm day!

 Accompanied by this day's end:

Goodbye to a House

 
    The Husband handed over the keys today to his childhood home. It has been in the family for the past 56 years. That's a long time. The Husband ran the vacuum, swept the floors one last time, and then turned off the lights. As we emptied out the contents of the house this past week, nearly every member of the family made their way over there to say their own goodbyes.
    We originally thought that the house on Bresslyn Road would be torn down, for the area of Nashville where the house resides is one of those neighborhoods sought out by builders for its level lots and towering mature trees. If the sale had been made as originally planned, the original bricks and mortar that defined this humble 1950's brick ranch house would have come tumbling down to make way for some huge edifice that would likely be priced well over a million dollars. The family had resigned the house to this fate, but the economy intervened. Now the house will be updated, remodeled, walls here and there removed and the back stretched out to accommodate what buyers demand these days: a bona fide master suite. So it makes me and The Husband happy to think that once again there will be meals served in the kitchen; once again there will be laughter ringing through the house and maybe even children running down the hallways or throwing balls in the backyard.
   I was not there for all of it. I did not grow up with my husband or watch him peering through the fence that ringed the adjacent backyards to watch the older boys playing catch. I was not there when he and his sisters learned to ride their bikes, bring their friends over to spend the night or play kick-the-can with the next-door-neighbor Collins kids.
   I came on the scene thirty-nine years ago. I missed a lot but you can bet I made it to innumerable dinners prepared by my mother-in-law, a very fine old fashioned Southern cook in her own right. In fact it was she who patiently helped me learn my way around the kitchen as a new bride who could barely boil water. I still use her recipes for chess pie, fudge pie, and caramel pie (do you see a theme here?) When our birthdays rolled around she prepared each person his or her own birthday dinner replete with prime rib, twice-baked potatoes, salad, and green beans along with a choice of either chocolate cake or caramel cake for dessert. I am literally smacking my lips at the memory!
   At Christmas Nanny and Pappy hosted the family breakfast where she served her famous Turkey Hash, and once the grandchildren arrived, each Easter we gathered for a traditional Easter egg hunt followed by a pizza supper. There were games of Parcheesi and Sorry, lots of card games, and a host of Disney movies to watch. There was an old swing set that saw a lot of action and a backyard where Pappy tossed lots of balls to the grandchildren. I remembered that my children first discovered outdoor camping sleeping in a tent they had pitched in Nanny and Pappy's backyard followed by a trip to Shoney's for breakfast!
   Bresslyn Road houses a lifetime of memories for my husband and his sisters. Not all of it was happy or easy because life always brings the bitter with the sweet, but the prevailing sense that my husband carries away today is a sense of gratitude for the two parents who lived there, for it was they who made the house at Bresslyn Road into a home. There my husband had two parents who loved him, who caught him when he tried to sneak out, who faithfully taught him right from wrong, and trained him up to be the man he is today.
   Thank you, Nanny and Pappy for the memories. Words cannot convey all that you meant to us. We still miss you. Thank you, house at Bresslyn Road, for being a shelter from the storm, a haven in times of trouble, and a good home for the White family. You did a good job, no doubt about it. You did very well, indeed.

   I must confess I came late to the notion of infant baptism. As an eight-year-old little girl, I had walked the aisle of the First Baptist Church in Opp, Alabama, during a fall revival to the strains of the venerated hymn, "Just as I Am." Two weeks later I was fully immersed in the water tank at the front of the church by Pastor Andrew Templeton. My beloved grandmother, Julia, had bought me a brand new white slip to wear under the white robe the church provided me. I was nervous about the dunking, but I remember that the pastor put a new white handkerchief over my nose and tilted my head back ever so gently. It was what I felt when I came up out of the water that stayed with me all these many years: a sense of purpose, a cleanliness, a freshness, a feeling of being made whole and new. It was a feeling that has never faded with the passage of time.
   It was this that I longed for my children to know and to experience for themselves, but lo and behold, my husband and I found ourselves as newlyweds involved and members of a Presbyterian congregation. Full immersion baptism and Presbyterians just don't seem to go together. Instead, the Presbyterian denomination largely ascribes to the sacrament of infant baptism. And when our children were born, I did not just acquiesce, I scoured the scriptures and talked with the pastors about the why's and the wherefore's. I never really had my questions answered to my satisfaction, but I finally decided that it was not a "deal breaker" for me. I would be willing to stand beside The Husband as we offered our children for the sacrament of infant baptism. I confess I was never wholly comfortable, but nonetheless, each of our four children were baptised as infants.
   However, I saw it with different eyes when both Little One and Little Two were baptised in their respective PCA churches. I saw the beauty of looking toward the promise of these childrens' salvation much as Abraham had looked toward the promise of the nation that God would give him, even when his wife was long since past the age of childbearing. It was a powerful step of faith to believe God for something so great. Both baptisms were deeply touching and deeply moving moments for me. I know the water does not save, it is only the blood of the lamb poured out on Calvary that can redeem the souls of men and women and little children, but I believe with my whole heart that the Lord is a God who keeps his covenants and his promises from here to eternity, for He is a God who cannot deny Himself. And so I look to the day when Little One and Little Two will say of their own accord, "I believe, Lord Jesus, and I am yours."  Without a doubt, it will be one of the most joyous days of my life, and the most important day of theirs. May it come quickly.
   Here are some pictures of the dress Little Two wore for her special day; the beautiful decor her momma put together and then a picture of Little Two on the floor today as she was scooting around. She is a happy child who brings her own sunshine wherever she goes. Her smile lights the darkest corners of my heart and makes me so thankful to be her grandmother, her Nonna, or whatever it is that she wants to call me. Rest assured I plan to come whenever she calls. No matter where I am or how far away...for Little Two has my heart. She is so very dear to me.

 

The Victorian christening gown came from England.

My daughter-in-law had cards made for guests at the luncheon to take home
complete with Little Two's special scripture. 

beautiful roses in shades of pink

Here is Little Two after she has scooted off of her blanket!

What a delightful smile!!!